By Lois Otse Adams, Lead Editor/Author, S&S
The Quiet curriculum in every home means
that every child is enrolled in a curriculum that has no classroom. It is the daily lesson of deliberate positive parenting, yes, the intentional act of subjecting children to rules that shape, not shatter; of instilling values deep enough to make them not just successful, but greater than their parents.
Deliberate positive parenting is not permissiveness. It is structure anchored in love. It is the 8:00 p.m. bedtime explained as respect for the body’s need to grow, not “because I said so.” It is chores that teach stewardship, apologies that model accountability, and consequences that correct behaviour without attacking worth.
Following the vital topic of parenting, I researched authorities like Dr. Funmi Adebayo, a child development psychologist at the University of Lagos, noting that greatness is not an accident of birth, states that values are transferred through modeling, reinforcement, and conversation. She further posits that, when a parent is intentional about empathy, delayed gratification, and integrity, the child inherits an internal compass that outlasts the parent.
Let me further review local models and rules that build. In Enugu, Chinedu Okoro runs a “family parliament” every Sunday. His three children, aged 9 to 16, propose household rules, debate fines for violations, and vote. “They defend the laws because they wrote them,” Okoro says, stating that he is not raising followers, but raising legislators of their own lives.
In Ibadan, Hajia Maryam Yusuf’s “Skills Before Screens” policy ties daily chores and 30 minutes of reading to screen time. Her 14-year-old son now codes basic apps and teaches his younger sister. “The rule was never about punishment,” she says, explaining that it was about priority.
These case studies reflect a principle: positive rules are predictable, explained, and consistent. They teach why, not just what. A child who understands the reason behind a curfew is more likely to keep it when no one is watching.
There are compound effects of values, let me take the story of the Adebanjo family in Abeokuta. Both parents are traders with only secondary education. They instituted three non-negotiables: 1). No lying, even when truth costs; 2). 10% of all gifts/money goes to charity; 3). One new skill every school holiday. Today, their first daughter is a medical doctor running a rural outreach clinic. Their son, who once struggled in school, owns a logistics firm employing people. “Our parents did not give us wealth,” the son says, expressing that their parents gave them values that created wealth.
This is the essence of deliberate parenting: raising adults who solve problems their parents only prayed about. My parents are no more, but, I am succeeding, they did not leave wealth of money but wealth of value.
The absence of that compass can be catastrophic. The recent Abuja tragedy is heart wrenching. I have not slept for days, I do not know if this touches parents the way it has touched me. The city was shaken last week, people around are still in sad shock, by reports that 53-year-old businessman, Chief Godwin Chinedu Lucky Adimike was allegedly stabbed to death by his son at their Guzape residence, Abuja.
Sources within the Electrical Dealers Association of Nigeria described Adimike as a prominent importer, major dealer at Alaba International Market, and real estate investor with properties in Lekki, Guzape, and Maitama. Police has stepped in, says the incident occurred on Friday, May 15, 2026, after the son, an NYSC member who managed some of his father’s real estate, returned from a club.
More reports indicate the confrontation stemmed from financial disputes. The son allegedly accused his father of being “unfair with money” and compared him to other wealthy parents who bought cars for their children. The argument, reportedly linked to alleged mismanagement of business funds, escalated into violence. Adimike was stabbed multiple times and later confirmed dead at Karu General Hospital. Five suspects, including a relative, are in police custody as investigations continue.
While the law must take its course and the suspect remains innocent until proven guilty, the case is a grim warning. No grievance justifies patricide. It destroys two generations: the father lost, and the son who now faces society and conscience, he may never live again.
There are data we cannot ignore,
Nigeria’s juvenile crime picture underscores the urgency. The National Bureau of Statistics recorded 5,288 cases of juvenile delinquency reported to police in 2017, with stealing, assault, and drug-related offenses leading. Lagos, FCT, and Delta consistently report high numbers. UNICEF’s 2022 data shows that 1 in 4 young people aged 15-24 in Nigeria feels they have experienced violence or aggression from peers. The Nigeria Correctional Service 2023 report indicated over 3,000 inmates in juvenile/borstal facilities, many for cultism, theft, and drug offenses.
These numbers are not just statistics. They are symptoms of value vacuums, where anger management, financial literacy, and conflict resolution were never taught at home.
There should be a warning to young people. To every young person, social vices are not power; they are chains. Cultism, fraud, drug abuse, and violence promise quick status but deliver long ruin. The same energy used to plot harm can learn a trade, build an app, or serve a community. Choose the path that lets you sleep with peace. The Adimike case shows how fast entitlement and unchecked anger can turn fatal. Live not to ever be a victim.
The charge to parents and this should be given an attention.
The best defense against such tragedies is presence, not presents. Listen, love it before you lecture. Teach children to handle “no.” Model how to disagree without destruction. Discuss money openly – earning, saving, giving. Role-play conflict resolution. And apologize when you are wrong, it teaches humility better than any sermon.
The positive goal of parenting is for children to be greater than us, and this must be done deliberately.
Deliberate positive parenting dares to believe a child can surpass them in wisdom, kindness, and impact. It is planting trees whose shade we may sit under.
If parents get it right, the next headlines will not mourn fathers/mothers killed by sons/daughters, but celebrate sons and daughters who, because of their fathers and mothers, heal cities, build industries, and lead with honour. That is the legacy worth parenting for.
